Uhh, really? You need three whole reasons to wash your face? There should only be one reason: to keep it clean. Come on, man. Take some pride in your appearance. Or some pride in basic hygiene, rather. Still need convincing? Then read on.

1. Because there’s stuff on your face

Here are some things that touch my face on a regular day. My hands. Other people’s hands. Tongues belonging to dogs. Spit flying from overenthusiastic colleagues. Moisture flying from underperforming air-con units. Sunshine. Rain. Pollution. Cappuccino froth. Kewpie mayo. Sweat. Tears. More tears.

What I’m saying is this: there’s a lot of stuff that touches my face, so there’s probably a lot of stuff that touches your face too. And it’s bad to have stuff on your face. Want the good news? It’s good to have our STUFF on your face. With aloe vera, charcoal and almond oil, it’ll have your mug feeling fresher than ever, so what are you waiting for?

2. To prevent breakouts (caused from bacteria having an orgy on your face)

Nothing – and I mean nothing – turns bacteria on more than a good-looking face. And in the non-existent eyes of bacteria, no face is better looking than the unwashed one. There are 1.5 trillion microbes, including bacteria, on your skin, which means your face is home to…at least six. Does six make an orgy? If two’s company and three’s a crowd, surely six is an orgy. Five definitely isn’t, but whatever. Fact is, bacteria can be good, just like an orgy – so I’m told – but even the best orgy needs a scrub down sometime. Bottom line: wash your face, mates.

3. Say goodbye to razor burn

Oh no, not razor burn! You go to all that effort to make yourself look sharp and you’re left red-faced in every way possible. Never fear, STUFF is here, packed with almond oil and aloe, which soothes – and helps prevent – razor burn. It’ll keep your skin nicely cleansed, softened and moisturised between shaves, giving your skinsuit a fresh lease on life. How good is that?